Monday, January 6, 2014

Happy New Year

New Year means new starts? Not really to me. New year just means another day. We should live each day to the fullest not just  a few days or weeks of  the new year. I have to admit though that I could use a redo. It seems like things have been extremely crazy in my life for the past few months. I have learned a lot. Some things maybe I didn't really want to learn. God never said it would be easy. Sometimes life throws us things that we really don't want to deal with, but we have to just keep pressing forward. 
I wish I could tell you that my life has been perfect, but I can't. My struggles, just like yours, are real. 
We all deal with things in life that we would rather not have to handle. When Eve ate the apple she let sin into this world and therefore we battle against principalities of the dark world. Our struggle is real!  How we handle ourselves in the midst of our struggle defines who we are. 
I am the type that hides my feelings inside. I don't want anyone to see the real pain I feel inside. Weakness is not what I want to be described as. I can handle anything that is thrown my way. Ill admit sometimes I want to give up, throw in the towel, say its not worth it. Something inside of me wont ever let me. I'm not a quitter! I am an overcomer!! People tell me all the time that I am so strong. When I hear that my subconscious screams Im not as strong as you think, but I just smile. I guess being strong is a good quality to have, but inside I am not as strong as I appear. I am just private and don't feel the need to share my pain with others. I have never been the type to really share my feelings and thoughts with others. I guess I am afraid if they knew how I really felt or thought they may be scared. lol My thoughts are deep and sometimes dark. The Bible says to take captive your thoughts and think on things that are pure, true and just. Many times throughout the day I remind myself of this.  It is SO important. I refuse to let the enemy win. I have NO idea what God's exact plan for my life is, but I live by faith and I know that God is in control. No matter how crazy my life gets I will continue to press forward to the prize. My life may not be everything that I want it to be, but I trust that God knows what he is doing. 
2013 showed me alot of things. I learned ALOT! Mostly who I can and can not trust. I learned that most people in my life are untrustworthy. I learned that people who say they are your friends doesn't mean they really are. I learned that most people in my life are my husbands friends not mine. I am thankful for the few people that are actually my friends. I learned that it doesn't matter the quantity of friends you have but the quality. I have very few people in my life that will stand by my side through thick and thin, but I am so thankful for the ones I have. We all just get one chance at this game called life. We all need to learn to live it to the fullest. 2013 was one of the hardest years of my life. When I look back on it, I still can't believe some of the things that happened. Its often hard for me to move on. I can forgive but no matter how hard I try I cant forget. So I hide it inside and deal with it in private. I can say I will be dealing with some of this stuff for a long time. I am still not sure why some of these things happened and I am completely heartbroken by most of it. But my past is not my future!! 
2014 has a whole new focus! I will be focused on finding my family. I NEED them. I WANT them. No matter what life throws in my way  I will not loose my focus. This is a new season. A season I haven't traveled yet. I am excited. Whatever God has planned for me in 2014 I am ready!! I will never forget what 2013 taught me, but I will look for blessings in 2014 and I pray that you will too!!