Friday, December 13, 2013

Looking back

The school I grew up in is playing in the semi finals of the state playoffs tonight. It has been so awesome seeing all the throw back pics that everyone has been posting from back in the day. It brought back a lot of memories of school. Hartshorne has always been a very school spirited place to live. I remember all the pep rallies and pep assemblies. My older brothers played sports and I attended all the football, basketball, and baseball games for as long as I can remember. It was a really fun place to go to school. Hartshorne is a small country town in southeast Oklahoma. There isn't a lot there, but there is a lot of good people that live there. I love seeing their football team have this great success. I cheered on the Miners for many years and the Miners will always have a special place in my heart.
Our memories of our past are important. They really shape who we become. You take the good with the bad and somehow turn it into being the best person that you can be. It is easy to let all the bad things in your life drag you down and forget about the good. When you let that happen you become filled with bitterness and that is never a good thing. We have to learn to accept the bad parts of our life and learn from them. Moving on past things in your life is always hard. You want to dwell on them and search for answers. Sometimes we won't ever find out the answers, no matter how hard we search. We have to trust God and that has to be good enough. Letting go of things that drag us down is hard, but it needs to be done to move forward. Having all the answers is not always in our best interest. Staying focused on the future and moving forward is the best way to deal with whatever life throws your way.
I no longer care why I was put in that phone booth. The reason doesn't matter anymore. I just want to find my family and move forward with our future. They missed me growing up, but they could see my children grow up. Another Christmas is almost here. This will mark 35 Christmas without my biological family. I am believing that this will be the last one though. We can't make up for the things we missed but we can look to the future and the memories we will make. With God all things are possible.

Good Luck tonight MINERS!! GO BIG BLUE!! MFND

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Standing in the Fire

We all go through trials and tribulations in our lives. It is how we react or respond in these times that forms who we are. I know that I have had my fair share of trials in my life. Some have been worse than others. Some I have let affect me in a bad way and some I have not let bother me at all. In the end I always come out stronger than before.
My first trial was my birth. When I began to walk my parents noticed that I walked on my toes on my right foot. The doctor confirmed that I had slight Cerebral Palsy. This condition is caused from lack of oxygen at birth. Basically I wasn't breathing when I was born. Its really a scary thought. I wasn't born in a hospital or even under the care of a physician. I can only imagine how scared my mother was when I wasn't breathing. I thank God daily for saving me at my birth. Even though my CP is slight, it is still something that affects me daily. CP is a condition that affects your brain. It effects the right side of my body. My brain sends a signal to my right Achilles tendon and it constantly spasms. I don't feel it but its happening. That is why I walked on my toes. I had a surgery when I was 2 years old and another when I was 3. After that I wore an embarrassing brace on my shoes. As I got older I learned exercises that would stretch the tendon so I didn't limp as bad. When I was 16 years old I had my final surgery. The doctors cut my tendon completely from the bone and reattached it in a different location so that when it spasmed it wouldn't pull up on my heel. Surgery was a success. Side effects where arthritis in my knee and back. The cold weather really hurts my back. Some days I still limp but I don't even notice until other people point it out. Most people don't even know I have CP. It is very slight and I am very blessed for that. I never let it hold me back. I don't look at myself as having a disability, its just an obstacle that I have overcame.
The next huge obstacle was that I couldn't see. My adopted family noticed I sat way to close to the television as a very young child. After a visit to the optometrist I was diagnosed legally blind. I wore thick glasses until I was 13 years old. At 13 I got contacts. Not the nice soft ones like my children wear, but the hard gas permeable ones. Even with corrective lenses my eye sight could never be 20/20. I always hated waking up in the middle of the night because in the dark I couldn't see anything. I always slept with the tv on or some kind of light. When I was in my 20's I was blessed to have lasik surgery. At that time my vision 20/2200. The doctors weren't even sure if they could get me to 20/20. After 2 lasik procedures I have been seeing 20/20 for over 10 years. My vision is perfect now. Waking up in the middle of the night for the first time after lasik was incredible. I just laid there and looked around the room in amazement. I could see in the dark for the first time. The first few months I was like a little kid looking at everything in a whole new way. I never take for granted my eyesight. It is a huge blessing from God.
At 7 years old I was diagnosed with severe migraine headaches. I would get 2 or more a week. I'll be real honest here I laugh inside at people that say they have a migraine and they are up functioning as normal. My migraines aren't like that at all. First it affects my vision. I see spots and only half of images. Things get blurry and I cant focus. Saying I have a sensitivity to light and sound is an understatement. The dimmest light is so blinding. A whisper sounds like screaming. I remember sitting at school waiting for my parents to pick me up and the tick of the clock was like someone was stabbing me in the head. I cant hold my head up. It feels like it weighs 500 pounds. I get sick to my stomach. It is the worst pain imaginable. I was put on medicine for it. It never stopped the headaches but I didn't get as many. I eventually built up an immunity to the medication. I have tried several types and nothing really stops them. About 3 years ago I had a really strange migraine. It is called Aurora only Migraine. They thought I had a stroke. I couldn't speak and when I finally could I slurred really bad. It felt like something shifted in my head. I was getting my kids ready for school and I tried to play it off, but they knew something wasn't right. I ended up in the ER that day. They ran so many tests on me. They sent me to a Migraine specialist who put me on meds that didn't work. Today I just have to watch my body for symptoms. I try not to take Tylenol, advil or anything like that. I need it for migraines. If I catch the symptoms early enough, example I notice my vision messing up I will take an over the counter Migraine medicine. Sometimes it will work and make the symptoms not as bad and sometimes it doesn't work at all. The only real cure is for me to sleep it off. The next day after a migraine is almost as bad. I feel like I got ran over. My head will be so sore and heavy. Unfortunately this is something I still battle with. My oldest daughter has had a few migraines and my middle daughter has had one. It saddens me that I have past this onto them. Theirs are not as bad as mine and I pray they will never be.
I could go on and on about the obstacles I have been faced with. I have had some other medical issues and so many personal issues. There have been things in my life that I could have let destroy me. Something inside of me wont ever let me. Whenever I feel like giving up, I can't. I am a fighter, a survivor, and an overcomer, My life has taught me that we have choices when we go through things. We can stand in the fire or we can walk through it.  I think about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego when King Nebuchnezzar threw them into the fiery furnace. He ordered it 7 times hotter than normal. The flames were so hot that it killed the soldiers that put these boys in the furnace. When the King looked in the furnace he saw 4 men not 3. Even though they were bound and gagged when they were thrown in, he saw them up and walking in the fire. He didn't see 3 people though, he saw 4. God was with them. He ordered them to come out. The same flames that killed the soldiers didn't even singe these men's hair. They were completely unharmed by the fire. Another key point I notice is that they didn't stay there bound and gagged. They got up and WALKED!! If we have God in our lives and we sit in the fire he will be there with us to protect us. But if we get up and walk through the fire with God, we will come out on the other side!! After these men went into the furnace and came out unharmed they were treated differently. A new respect was on them. They made it through.
Just recently I have went through another major fire. For a while I sat. I know God was with me. I didn't think I would have the energy to get up and walk through. I thought the only way I would get out is for God to carry me out. I remembered what God said to David when he had lost everything and couldn't stop weeping. He told David to GET UP!!! So I finally did. I walked through the fire to the other side. Standing in the middle of your trials is never the answer. Keep walking, go through them. When you come out on the other side you will be changed. Even a diamond has to go through a burning process to become the sparkling jewel we all love.
CP, blindness, migraines, and some other medical issues could all be related to my birth. Prenatal care is so important. But I don't let these issues affect me in a negative way. Its the opposite. They have made me strong. They have made my relationship with God stronger. My compassion for people strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10 says for when I am weak, then I am strong. Trials only strengthen me, although at the time I may not see it. Being abandoned has made me strong. This search for my family is making me stronger. I am not perfect and never will be, but if I can just keep walking through the fire I believe when I come out the other side I will be reunited with my family.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Why was I adopted?

When I was a little child my adopted parents bought me a book that was titled "Why was I adopted?" I remember my brother reading it to me. He use to joke with me after he read it. HE would say things like we found you under a rock or in a dumpster. Then he would laugh and tell me he was joking. I am sure that he had no idea I was really left in a telephone booth. My brother and I were really close while I was growing up. I miss that.
Looking back at those times that he would read that book to me makes me think Why was I adopted. You can really drive yourself crazy doing that. The devil wants to put thoughts in your head telling you that you weren't good enough and no one wanted you. That stays with you even as an adult. I always feel that I am not good enough and that no one wants me or likes me. Even in my marriage its a constant struggle. Its hard going through life thinking no matter what you do it isn't good enough. I try to please everyone and make everyone else happy just to show I am good enough for something. Somewhere in doing that I lost who I am. What makes me happy. Honestly I don't even know what makes me happy anymore. I know my children make me happy. But for me as an individual I don't really know.
The bible says to take captive of your thoughts and think on the things that are pure, true, and just. So when I change my mindset and do as the bible says I quickly change my thoughts to I am good enough. I am loved. I must be to be blessed with 3 amazing children. God obviously thought I was good enough to be there mother. Changing your thoughts can change your life.
God showed me in the bible several years back something that changed my life. Its Psalms 139 starting in verse 13 For you created my inmost being you knit me together in my mothers womb, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in that secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
After reading and really meditating on this I found the answer as to Why I was adopted. Its my story. It was written before I ever came to be. When God made me in that secret place he knew I would be abandoned. He knew the struggles and joys I would have. He knew exactly what he was doing. This life that I have is no surprise to God. He wrote it. Even though I don't understand and I have so many questions I find peace in knowing that God ordained my steps before I was even born. I still have so many questions but the bible says lean NOT onto your own understanding, but trust in the Lord with all your heart. So even though I don't understand why I was given this struggle I still trust God. HE knows what he is doing. I will be honest sometimes its hard, but I know its the truth. God writes incredible stories and my story isn't over yet. My story isn't just a little baby who was left to die in a phone booth. My story is how God kept me alive when the odds were against me and gave me an amazing life, far from perfect, but just as he wanted it to be. I know my story has a happy ending. I cant wait for the day that I am reunited with my biological family and I get the answer to some of things I don't understand right now. Until that day comes I have to keep trusting God. Why would I? He hasn't let me down yet.

Sunday, December 8, 2013


Have you ever wondered what it is like to not know anyone related to you? I know how that feels. Even though I try to stay strong, I have to admit that it is a real struggle to deal with everyday. My children are the only thing I have to actually call a blood relative. They are so much like me its amazing. I can't help but wonder who I take after. My mother? My father? People always ask me where I got my red hair or what nationality I am. I have no answer for them. I often wonder myself. I would love to know what nationality I am. Its hard when you go to the doctor and they want to know your family history. I have none. It's often the little things that we take for granted that I have no knowledge of. My children are curious as well. Everyone assumes that if I ever find my bio family that my first questions will be why did you leave me in that phone booth. But its quite the opposite. Whatever reason I was left doesn't really matter to me. I use to make myself sick thinking about that. 35 years later I really don't care what the reason was. I just want to find my family. My questions are more focused around heritage. Do I have siblings? My kids could have cousins. My heart has always longed for a sister. Maybe there is someone out there who will actually understand me. Maybe someone like me with the same interests and talents. Someone I have things in common with. I have been searching for my family since I found out the whole story at 18 years old. My heart has cried for them daily. I am stepping up my search starting today. It always seems like I search and it leads to nothing so I step back. Not this time. I am going full force. I will be using social media along with the television media. I have a surprise in the works to that I will announce at a later date. I have people on board to help me this time. I know that everything happens in God's time and I believe its time. Sometimes I feel like my life is falling apart but I know God said He will never leave me or forsake me. As you learn more about my story you will see how true that statement really is. I will be sharing my story in pieces here as well as how the search is going. This is just the beginning and I believe that the ending will be a happy one. 9 years ago News 9 did a report on me. At the end I said if I never find them that will be ok. That's not true. I will not be ok without them. I need and want my bio family. I will not stop my search until I find them. You can help me by sharing my story all over the internet. All social media networks. Look for babymaybelle on Instagram. I will be making a facebook page soon as well. Share my blog. Share my story. If you have info that could help me or just want to send words of encouragement email me at
I want to thank you in advance for helping me. I cant do this alone but with the help of people willing to share my story I know it can be done.
My adoptive parents named me Amy which means Beloved
Romans 9:23 God calls the nobodies and makes them somebody, He calls the unloved and makes them Beloved. I will truly be beloved when I am reunited with my biological family!