Monday, December 9, 2013

Why was I adopted?

When I was a little child my adopted parents bought me a book that was titled "Why was I adopted?" I remember my brother reading it to me. He use to joke with me after he read it. HE would say things like we found you under a rock or in a dumpster. Then he would laugh and tell me he was joking. I am sure that he had no idea I was really left in a telephone booth. My brother and I were really close while I was growing up. I miss that.
Looking back at those times that he would read that book to me makes me think Why was I adopted. You can really drive yourself crazy doing that. The devil wants to put thoughts in your head telling you that you weren't good enough and no one wanted you. That stays with you even as an adult. I always feel that I am not good enough and that no one wants me or likes me. Even in my marriage its a constant struggle. Its hard going through life thinking no matter what you do it isn't good enough. I try to please everyone and make everyone else happy just to show I am good enough for something. Somewhere in doing that I lost who I am. What makes me happy. Honestly I don't even know what makes me happy anymore. I know my children make me happy. But for me as an individual I don't really know.
The bible says to take captive of your thoughts and think on the things that are pure, true, and just. So when I change my mindset and do as the bible says I quickly change my thoughts to I am good enough. I am loved. I must be to be blessed with 3 amazing children. God obviously thought I was good enough to be there mother. Changing your thoughts can change your life.
God showed me in the bible several years back something that changed my life. Its Psalms 139 starting in verse 13 For you created my inmost being you knit me together in my mothers womb, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in that secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
After reading and really meditating on this I found the answer as to Why I was adopted. Its my story. It was written before I ever came to be. When God made me in that secret place he knew I would be abandoned. He knew the struggles and joys I would have. He knew exactly what he was doing. This life that I have is no surprise to God. He wrote it. Even though I don't understand and I have so many questions I find peace in knowing that God ordained my steps before I was even born. I still have so many questions but the bible says lean NOT onto your own understanding, but trust in the Lord with all your heart. So even though I don't understand why I was given this struggle I still trust God. HE knows what he is doing. I will be honest sometimes its hard, but I know its the truth. God writes incredible stories and my story isn't over yet. My story isn't just a little baby who was left to die in a phone booth. My story is how God kept me alive when the odds were against me and gave me an amazing life, far from perfect, but just as he wanted it to be. I know my story has a happy ending. I cant wait for the day that I am reunited with my biological family and I get the answer to some of things I don't understand right now. Until that day comes I have to keep trusting God. Why would I? He hasn't let me down yet.

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